FROM THE EDITOR
New names for a disgraced company.
BY JAMES TARANTO
OpinionJournal.com, Monday, March 4, 2002
The news arrived last month that Enron was planning to change its name, and Best of the Web Today invited readers to offer their suggestions. If the new name were to be determined by reader vote, it would be Endrun, suggested by more than 1 in 4 of the nearly 200 readers who responded. Here are some other suggestions:
Steve Singleton: I think the name Pan Am is available.
"JRHULMES736": Moron--short for "more Enron."
"JLanctot": Synergistic Holdings & Resources Energy Dynamics, or Shred. When the digging starts, Shred happens.
Billy Watson: I think Enron should rename itself Clinton Is a Liar Inc. There is no reason for this other than my own personal enjoyment. I would just enjoy hearing Henry Waxman say Clinton is a liar 400 or 500 times a day.
Lyle Zeller: Deny, deny, deny: Nonron.
Kevin McGehee: As a subtle reference to how previous management left the cupboard bare--and to the swindling that seems to have gone on--the new corporate name should be L. Ron.
Michael Miller: I hear ValuJet is available.
Ted Baumgardner: LayLow Energy Consultants, "When You Want to Hide More Than Transmission Lines," or Rhododenron, "Energy Transmission With a Redolence."
Gregory Sobkin: Top 10 new Enron names and mottos:
- Kenron: "Lay a few more dollars on me."
- Phen-fenron: "The financial diet of the century."
- Yenron: "Devaluation made simple."
- Zenron: "Meditation is all you can do when you have no money."
- Kwanron: "When you can't get the gold."
- Penron: "We have no more computers."
- For-the-Childrenron: "Teddy and Hillary will invest."
- Listenron: "Hear that giant sucking sound?"
- Even-Stevenron: "It's a zero sum game."
- Satanron: "More well regarded than Enron."
Bernard Shearon: How about AirTran? Hey, it worked once. Or Esso--they wasted millions to abandon it; why can't we waste millions to bring it back?
Nick Eckert: Crooked E Wheeler & Dealer Ranch. If they used this name, they wouldn't have to throw out the symbol.
"Aaron": "We're changing our name to Ennron. We'll put a weasel in your tank!" Note the double N. Remember Exxon's name change?
Bernard Levine: Rather than change its name, Enron should change its logo to reflect more accurately its core business model:
Charles Dugan: Enron should change its name to Bill Clinton Presidential Library. That would not only launder its name but allow it to raise new capital on a no-questions-asked basis.
"pjd2": ADMron, to constantly inspire management to learn from past mistakes and become a company like Archer Daniels Midland, which actually knows how to spread its largesse among pundits, influential media programs, and of course, elected officials with terrific return on investment (take a look at "farm" subsidies lately?) and with nary a negative mention or, in fact, any mention, attention, investigation or angst about its activities.
Bob and Donna Rubin: Kenran--need we say more?
Michael Smith: Ponzoil.
Brendan Dooher: Flatulon--the new future of gas.
Hampton Stevens: The Houston Oilers.
Rick Marsh: How about Philip Morris? It's available! Sure, all the PC-types hated them, too, but nobody doubted they could make money!
Paul Jacobs: "We've decided to change our name to Reckonings--now that our former hired gun Paul 'Line 47' Krugman no longer uses that pretentious and portentous heading on his columns."
Stu Greene: Enron seems strongly committed to keeping its naming rights to the Astros' new stadium. Chances are the Astros will succeed in getting out of the contract, and the name will revert to The Ballpark at Union Station. I suggest Enron move across town and rename itself The Energy Co. at Union Station, thereby retaining virtual naming rights.
Tobey Taylor: Why don't they get with the program and sell the naming rights to the highest bidder? For starters, I'll propose the Taco Bell Gas Co. or the Powerbar Energy Co.
Debbie Durant: They can use any name they want, but after the name and before "Inc." they should include the acronym TCFKAE, for "The Company Formerly Known as Enron." That's what most people are going to call it for the first year anyway.
Michael Davidson: "Is" Energy Corp.--inspired by the truly Clintonesque argument that this whole scandal depends on what your definition of the word fraud is.
Clint Shinkle: Encensure. Check Andersen's spinoff.
Chark Whelton: Fifth Amendment Energy Inc.
Kelly Turk: Remember the joke about what happens when you play a country-Western song backwards? (Poppa gets out of jail, the dog comes back, the whiskey goes back in the bottle . . .) Well, after Enron rebrands itself as Norne, all the money that went into the pockets of pols, PACs and pundits miraculously flows back to the company. Best net side effect: Paul Krugman literally implodes!
Todd Tidgewell: Free-Dough Lay.
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